Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
