just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
