watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
