there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
