Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
