So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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