oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize