oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
