The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
