Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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