Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
