Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
