Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize