just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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