i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
