Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
