Need sex. Gaining weight.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
