i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Randomize
