Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
