the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
