Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
