I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
