Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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