i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
