We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize