just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
