Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is that strawberry winking at me??
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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