The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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