I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize