Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
