I can text with my tongue
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
