You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
