Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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