dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
