she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize