the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
