I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
