What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your cock deserves a montage
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
