I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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