after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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