Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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