i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
