girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
