is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My life is pants optional.
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