Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
