I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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