So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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