I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
