Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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