We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my poor anus
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
