lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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