If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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