she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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