There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
