If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.