Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
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Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?