i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect