I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.