Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
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That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.