Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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