it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
