I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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