1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.