I wish I could teleport
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked