Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
and you fell through a lawn chair
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
