I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drake has all the answers
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And then he peed in my hair
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