OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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