"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
