I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
