my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
