Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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