who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
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you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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