oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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