dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Found your dick twin last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
