your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
