Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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