i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
