I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
