My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
