Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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