I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
